Hal Rudnick hits the set of the Golden Girls XXX porn parody to talk to the stars about their favorite Golden Girls and Golden Showers, the porn stars even sing a little song for all of the fans. James Deen: The idea of a person coming up to me and saying they're James Deen: not a Golden Girls fan, I might just have to punch them. Diamond Foxx: I don't their they're as cock hungry as I am.

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Here's how 13 Going on 30 scored on a scale of 1 - 10 in my categories of analysis: * Shoes: 4. Garner plays a magazine editor, and she wears some suitably snazzy outfits. At first, I couldn't remember there having been any canine action in the movie. Or, come to think of it, maybe it was the pedophile on the end of the row.

But then I thought, "This is the kind of movie that probably has some scene in which a big old Saint Bernard grabs an ice cream cone out of Garner's grasp." And then I remembered: that's exactly what happens, but I think it was an Irish Setter. The film includes a funny-esqe joke about ring tones. But it doesn't really matter because I felt positively redeemed after a full day of sitting on my ass, eating candy, and humming along to vintage pop tunes.

Incidentally, all the people in the movie breathe, too.

Although the film flags in the middle (it's based on a self-help book), and it's predictable (it's a teen movie), Mean Girls perfectly balances genuinely funny material with overly broad comedy about things I experienced as a teenager. Tina Fey--Saturday Night Live senior writer, Weekend Update co-host, and all-around hottie--wrote the screenplay.

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Hal Rudnick: Lee Roy, what are we shooting here today?

Lee Roy Myers: We are shooting Golden Girls, the XXX milf parody.

Nobody fielded any calls in the theater during the flick. The news from Iraq may be devastating, and the attitude out of Washington worse.